on being grateful

Sounds simple enough right? being grateful....most of us learn its importance early in life, we grow up with phrases like "did you say thank you?" and "don't forget to send a thank you note."

However this gratefulness I have recently encountered is pretty deep, deeper than surface level thank yous. There's a certain joy and happiness that comes with this type of gratefulness.

For instance, this evening while I was enjoying the brief caffeine high from my double shot cubano espresso with my head buried in the works of Karl Marx, a couple came and sat down right next to me.

Setting: cafe/coffee house, comfy leather lounging chairs in front of a fire place with a live jazz band in the background (heaven?)

I just knew my night was going to be ruined when the couple decided to share one chair. Then the PDA starts! Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not a fan- maybe a hug here and there...a peck on the check but no prolonged kisses or touches. I'm not totally dismissing the possibility of me engaging in some form of PDA, but that's another post.

Anyway, just as I was starting to get worked up. I stopped myself and thought how great it is for two people to feel so sure and comfortable with one another. In an instant I went from totally wanting to criticize this couple by placing my own biases on them to feeling a bit of....shall I say...gratefulness.

Why you ask? This couple, loud kisses and all. Reminded me of the possibility of love, the warm feeling that comes from being next to someone you adore so much, you just can't stop touching them.

Gratefulness. Lately I've had this feeling of just enjoying the moment. Looking over a crowd and watching the interactions between people, people relating to people, people understanding people, people showing love to one another.

This type of gratefulness can be experienced only when we let down our guards to go beyond the surface. Experiencing the true essence of the moment.

This feeling doesn't come from birthday gifts or someone performing a favor for your benefit. This feeling is just there and in some way it is up to us to experience. It's all in our perception, when the rains begin to fall...do we get upset because its messy outside? Or do we take a moment and think how grateful we are to have water fall from the sky...helping to nourish our crops, fill our streams, and maintain life?

What are you grateful for?


Until next time.

Story of my life

Okay, no worries. This isn't my biography.

This is how the story goes...I'm walking down the street Sunday afternoon, started having chest pains. I notice these pains are unlike any I had ever felt before (I have a long history w/ chest pain), so I called my beloved friend Brittany to come pick me up fromStarbucks. I finally end up in the ER, on the fast track, and get seen by the PA & company.

The Physician Assistant orders an EKG and XRay for your girl. Meaning, I am carted around the ER on a gurney, all while being outfitted in a previously used, shame inducing hospital gown.

One of the nurses prepping me for the EKG asks the question every self-proclaimed, both side claiming, biracial person loves to hear. "What's your race?" My insides begin to tingle with anticipation of how this nurse, who not to mention was super sweet would react to my "race." I go in for the kill and respond "I'm biracial, black & mexican." Just as the "xican" was coming off of my tongue, I just knew this nurse, this sweet nurse with whom I had laughed and joked with for the past 45 minutes, would think I was extremely cool.

She responds, in her sweet melodramatic voice "I don't have that option."
Not the response I was envisioning...nonetheless I responded "welcome to my life." She looked at me a bit perplexed and proceeded to type something into the computer. My race perhaps?

I'm not sure what she labeled me as, I was too busy thinking about all the forms where I NO LONGER had to check just one box. We've come such a long way and here I am in the middle of Saint Louis City where the sweet melodramatic nurse labels me as other or fails to acknowledge one of my lineages.

In the end, I was denied my proper racial classification (the story of my life) and still have yet to find the cause of my sporadic chest pain. However I had a great time making new nurse friends!

Headed to the Cardiologist tomorrow and she BETTA (yes betta) have my biracial/multiracial, choose more than one option!

Angry Biracial Child signing off.

:)

peace

Love like this?

I envy the wind
That whispers in your ear
That howls through the winter
That freezes your fingers
That moves through your hair
And cracks your lips
And chills you to the bone
I envy the wind

I envy the rain
That falls on your face
That wets your eyelashes
And dampens your skin
And touches your tongue
And soaks through your shirt
And drips down your back
I envy the rain

I envy the sun
That brightens your summer
That warms your body
And holds you in heat
And makes your days stronger
And makes you hot
And makes you sweat
I envy the sun

I envy the wind, I envy the rain, I envy the sun, I envy the wind

Beautiful right?

"I Envy the Wind" recorded by Lila Downs

Where is the revolutionary in you?

I finally saw the highly anticipated Revolutionary Road. It was great! Definitely a must see.

In hopes of not spoiling the movie for those of you who haven't seen it. I will just say the movie brings up a lot of questions, especially as I am just stepping into the realm of my "coming of age" (whatever that means, right?)

You know, we all have such high hopes of changing the world, tearing down discriminatory patriarchal social structures. We've held rallies, attended lectures, written blogs about the future- but what happens when/if we find ourselves conforming?..not necessarily a bad thing. However, I don't want to end up unhappy chasing dreams of years past, imparting those bad vibes on the one's around me. I want to keep my mystery, my passion, my randomness.

We look and we're 40 or 50 years old family, house, dog, and our once thought to be, couldn't imagine doing anything else career, is not as fulfilling as we once imagined. Instead of tearing down social structures we're tearing up memo's from our 9 to 5. Where is that revolutionary in us? How do we keep our revolutionary when we need to invest $$ into college funds, when Saturday's become filled with little league and family game nights?

When I'm 40, I still want to have my spunk. My eclectic, no-nonsense, protesting, chuck taylor wearing, 5 book per month reading, REVOLUTIONARY self! Don't you?

Favorite line of the movie "who writes these rules anyway?"

Who writes the rules your 40 yr old self will live by?

Just a thought

Right place, right time

I was in Barnes & Noble today. As I turned the corner in search of the poetry section, I ran into a man who was trying to shove three books down his pants.

I was shocked. When the man looked up and saw me, he quickly put the books back on the shelf. I had no clue what to do or how to react. The man proceeded to walk away in the opposite direction. I looked to see what books he had. After noticing his selection, I gathered the books, placed them in my arm and proceeded to walk over to him.
SIDE NOTE: yeah, i know, crazy right?

From his looks, he appeared to be in his early/middle 50's. Tall man, kind of "fatherish" looking, smelled of cigarettes and was wearing a wedding band. I tapped him on the shoulder, he turned around and just looked at me. The crazy thing is, no words were really needed. We both knew, I had just caught him trying to steal. He noticed the books in my arm and he reached his hand out to get them, as if I was about to say "hey, you left these over in the poetry section."

Instead, I pulled back and offered to buy the books for him. He looked as if he had just saw a ghost. And I was thinking to myself "wait, I didn't check the price on these."

He very politely, turned down my offer. I insisted, I told him I read two of his selections and they were great- couldn't put them down. Plus, I had a coupon! He finally gave in and we walked to the cashier together. After we checked out, we introduced ourselves to each other and he said thank you. He proceeded to apologize, said thank you again then he walked out the door.

I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down to start reading one of the books I purchased. As I sat there I wondered what this man thought of me. I hoped I hadn't embarrassed him. I'm not sure why I did it but I had some crazy feeling that this man was really good. Who knows, maybe he sold the books once he walked outside or maybe he took the books home and shared them with his wife and family.

I don't know but for some reason I felt like I was in the right place at the right time (cliche I know). I just hope, some random good deed would occur for me if I am ever in a similar situation.

Random act of kindness: CHECK now off the save the world... ;)

I used to love H.E.R.

Because since I was in the 5th grade, I loved this song. It's unarguably still one of the hottest hip hop tracks till this day and Common continues to bring the real hip hop.

I used to love H.E.R.

Happy December!

One of the most glorious yet sometimes stressful times of the year. Enjoy!

is it really December already? geesh, time waits for no one.


I know, another short post. Blame SLU SPH, starting December 9th back to my semi-normal grad student, with some type of social life- life!
check out the new playlist.


happy december