hey baby lets get away, lets go somewhere far...

"He's the kind of guy that would say
'Hey baby let's get away let's go some place, huh''
Well I don't care
He's the kind of guy that you give your everything
And trust your heart, share all of your love, till death do you part

I want to be what he wants when he wants it, and whenever he needs it
And when he's lonesome and feelin' love starved
I'll be there to feed it
I'm givin' him a little bit for each day
He turns me right on when I hear him say

(Hey baby let's get away, let's go somewhere far
(Baby can we')
Well I don't care
(Hey baby let's get away, let's go somewhere far
(Baby can we')
Well I don't care"

- Aretha Frankin, Day Dreaming

Feeling it....

for the cool kids only

I didn't even realize this show still came on...thought this was cute and pretty funny. Plus, who doesn't love Feist.

Aqua de Rosas

feeling a little Lila today

Rumi- spiritual window shoppers

These spiritual window-shoppers,
who idly ask, 'How much is that?' Oh, I'm just looking.
They handle a hundred items and put them down,
shadows with no capital.

What is spent is love and two eyes wet with weeping.
But these walk into a shop,
and their whole lives pass suddenly in that moment,
in that shop.

Where did you go? "Nowhere."
What did you have to eat? "Nothing much."

Even if you don't know what you want,
buy _something,_ to be part of the exchanging flow.

Start a huge, foolish project,
like Noah.

It makes absolutely no difference
what people think of you.
- Rumi: We Are Three : New Rumi Poems


My fav part: "Even if you don't know what you want, buy _something,_ to be part of the exchanging flow."
Just browsing or looking to buy something?

i can't stop listening to...

...Melody Gardot= great tunes

enjoy!

morning meditation

...this is where I sat in meditation while visiting the V.I.

soul sessions

have you ever had a moment that rocks your soul?
i know, "rocking" of the soul? crazy concept. welp, I had a such moment today while listening to music. all of a sudden I was totally into the song and it put me in a happy place/ good mood. it's in these quiet moments-pausing to relflect on a line I just read, taking in a piece of art, talking with friends, or listening to music I find peace and appreciation for just being.

it's like all of a sudden something hits you, catches you in a state of vulnerability and there is this soul stiring revelation. for me, honestly, sometimes i find myself shedding a tear after seeing a piece of inspiring art, sitting in meditation, or feeling the emotions of a singer through song.

i love these moments because it provides some aspect of insightfulness to my situation. these "crazy", hard to define moments help me take myself...outside of myself.

what rocks your soul?

one of my fav Marvin song's....soul session, indeed.

Facebook: lessons to be learned

Check out this NY Times article.
The article highlights the fast growth of FB and has some pretty interesting figures.

I find the popularity of FB extremely fascinating, not to mention the amounts and types of information its users decide to disclose. FB adds a whole new dimension to the concept of friends and social networks.

I have more to say but my brain is pretty much fried (oral comps this wk) so I will leave it at this.

Check out the link. good stuff.

the beauty of non-disclosure

[Mix It Up-http://www.mix-it-up.net/tee3.html]


In my latest filling paper work out endeavor, the age old question appeared.
"Please choose one" I know what you're thinking, not again...she's writing about having to check only one box.
Welp, yes I am. Deal.

So, I'm filling out some online forms for this really great, progressive, liberal, "we only serve our cafeteria food on biodegradable plates" type of organization. The question pops up after I check off the usual demographic info (sex, age, etc.) I quickly noticed that unlike other forms, this form had no "other" box. Instead, the choices were (well at least those that pertained to me):
- Black/ African American (not Hispanic or Latino)
- Hispanic or Latino
- Two or more races (not Hispanic or Latino)
- Non- disclosure

My choices were to either be Hispanic OR African American. Not both, pretty much sucks. I know its all about distinguishing between "race" and ethnicity but really? Who decided that there were no Black Hispanics? Or that those of us whose parents represent one race "Black" and one ethnicity "Hispanic" would only feel the need to choose one label?

I chose not to disclose = beauty undefined

currently listening to: Upside Down, Jack Johnson

my mother gchats me during the day...

...and I love it!

This is why. So I've fallen victim to our recession/depression. Budget cuts have caused multiple education programs to limit the number of new students they accept or worse, not accept any students at all. As in my case, applied to a school only to find out they could not support any new cohorts in the upcoming year. Blah Blah Blah....

Anywho, after my family and friends allowed me to soak in my hot tub of self-pity for a good 2 hrs. My mother sends me a gchat message. No "hello" or "how ya doing?" only this simple quote:
"Sometimes we need to abandon the plan and embrace the adventure in the unknown"

Simple, yet powerful.
Adventure? I'm down for the cause. The unknown? I'll pass. I have a lot to work on, living in the moment a little more...realizing that not everything goes according to my personal life plan.

So sign me up for the ambiguity of life. Still waiting to hear from more programs, yet somehow, wanting to climb in my 4x4, go off-roading, and see where I end up. Crazy? Not so much.

current tune: Yeah,Yeah,Yeahs- MAPS

19 days...

... until I see Lila live!

so excited.
check out the vocals, A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

Strange Fruit

I will always remember listening to this song as a kid (maybe around 5ish). My mother would tell me stories of my grandparents and great-grandparents who traveled from parts of Virgina to the coal mining towns outside of Pittsburgh. Stories about my ancestors who were once slaves and how her mother would tell of an uncle (Uncle George) who still had shackle wounds around his ankles.

She played this song for me and taught me its significance, I remember being extremely frightened when I first listened but today it stirs up many emotions and memories.

Originally written as a poem by Abel Meeropol, a Jewish high school teacher after seeing this photograph by Lawrence Beitler.


Lawrence Beitler, 1930

Later to become one of Billie Holiday's' most famous songs.
Please pay attention to Billie's facial expressions and eyes...I love this footage.




Southern trees bear strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant south
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop
Here is a strange and bitter crop.



Excited for the present but always mindful of our past struggle.

Peace.

on being grateful

Sounds simple enough right? being grateful....most of us learn its importance early in life, we grow up with phrases like "did you say thank you?" and "don't forget to send a thank you note."

However this gratefulness I have recently encountered is pretty deep, deeper than surface level thank yous. There's a certain joy and happiness that comes with this type of gratefulness.

For instance, this evening while I was enjoying the brief caffeine high from my double shot cubano espresso with my head buried in the works of Karl Marx, a couple came and sat down right next to me.

Setting: cafe/coffee house, comfy leather lounging chairs in front of a fire place with a live jazz band in the background (heaven?)

I just knew my night was going to be ruined when the couple decided to share one chair. Then the PDA starts! Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not a fan- maybe a hug here and there...a peck on the check but no prolonged kisses or touches. I'm not totally dismissing the possibility of me engaging in some form of PDA, but that's another post.

Anyway, just as I was starting to get worked up. I stopped myself and thought how great it is for two people to feel so sure and comfortable with one another. In an instant I went from totally wanting to criticize this couple by placing my own biases on them to feeling a bit of....shall I say...gratefulness.

Why you ask? This couple, loud kisses and all. Reminded me of the possibility of love, the warm feeling that comes from being next to someone you adore so much, you just can't stop touching them.

Gratefulness. Lately I've had this feeling of just enjoying the moment. Looking over a crowd and watching the interactions between people, people relating to people, people understanding people, people showing love to one another.

This type of gratefulness can be experienced only when we let down our guards to go beyond the surface. Experiencing the true essence of the moment.

This feeling doesn't come from birthday gifts or someone performing a favor for your benefit. This feeling is just there and in some way it is up to us to experience. It's all in our perception, when the rains begin to fall...do we get upset because its messy outside? Or do we take a moment and think how grateful we are to have water fall from the sky...helping to nourish our crops, fill our streams, and maintain life?

What are you grateful for?


Until next time.

Story of my life

Okay, no worries. This isn't my biography.

This is how the story goes...I'm walking down the street Sunday afternoon, started having chest pains. I notice these pains are unlike any I had ever felt before (I have a long history w/ chest pain), so I called my beloved friend Brittany to come pick me up fromStarbucks. I finally end up in the ER, on the fast track, and get seen by the PA & company.

The Physician Assistant orders an EKG and XRay for your girl. Meaning, I am carted around the ER on a gurney, all while being outfitted in a previously used, shame inducing hospital gown.

One of the nurses prepping me for the EKG asks the question every self-proclaimed, both side claiming, biracial person loves to hear. "What's your race?" My insides begin to tingle with anticipation of how this nurse, who not to mention was super sweet would react to my "race." I go in for the kill and respond "I'm biracial, black & mexican." Just as the "xican" was coming off of my tongue, I just knew this nurse, this sweet nurse with whom I had laughed and joked with for the past 45 minutes, would think I was extremely cool.

She responds, in her sweet melodramatic voice "I don't have that option."
Not the response I was envisioning...nonetheless I responded "welcome to my life." She looked at me a bit perplexed and proceeded to type something into the computer. My race perhaps?

I'm not sure what she labeled me as, I was too busy thinking about all the forms where I NO LONGER had to check just one box. We've come such a long way and here I am in the middle of Saint Louis City where the sweet melodramatic nurse labels me as other or fails to acknowledge one of my lineages.

In the end, I was denied my proper racial classification (the story of my life) and still have yet to find the cause of my sporadic chest pain. However I had a great time making new nurse friends!

Headed to the Cardiologist tomorrow and she BETTA (yes betta) have my biracial/multiracial, choose more than one option!

Angry Biracial Child signing off.

:)

peace

Love like this?

I envy the wind
That whispers in your ear
That howls through the winter
That freezes your fingers
That moves through your hair
And cracks your lips
And chills you to the bone
I envy the wind

I envy the rain
That falls on your face
That wets your eyelashes
And dampens your skin
And touches your tongue
And soaks through your shirt
And drips down your back
I envy the rain

I envy the sun
That brightens your summer
That warms your body
And holds you in heat
And makes your days stronger
And makes you hot
And makes you sweat
I envy the sun

I envy the wind, I envy the rain, I envy the sun, I envy the wind

Beautiful right?

"I Envy the Wind" recorded by Lila Downs

Where is the revolutionary in you?

I finally saw the highly anticipated Revolutionary Road. It was great! Definitely a must see.

In hopes of not spoiling the movie for those of you who haven't seen it. I will just say the movie brings up a lot of questions, especially as I am just stepping into the realm of my "coming of age" (whatever that means, right?)

You know, we all have such high hopes of changing the world, tearing down discriminatory patriarchal social structures. We've held rallies, attended lectures, written blogs about the future- but what happens when/if we find ourselves conforming?..not necessarily a bad thing. However, I don't want to end up unhappy chasing dreams of years past, imparting those bad vibes on the one's around me. I want to keep my mystery, my passion, my randomness.

We look and we're 40 or 50 years old family, house, dog, and our once thought to be, couldn't imagine doing anything else career, is not as fulfilling as we once imagined. Instead of tearing down social structures we're tearing up memo's from our 9 to 5. Where is that revolutionary in us? How do we keep our revolutionary when we need to invest $$ into college funds, when Saturday's become filled with little league and family game nights?

When I'm 40, I still want to have my spunk. My eclectic, no-nonsense, protesting, chuck taylor wearing, 5 book per month reading, REVOLUTIONARY self! Don't you?

Favorite line of the movie "who writes these rules anyway?"

Who writes the rules your 40 yr old self will live by?

Just a thought

Right place, right time

I was in Barnes & Noble today. As I turned the corner in search of the poetry section, I ran into a man who was trying to shove three books down his pants.

I was shocked. When the man looked up and saw me, he quickly put the books back on the shelf. I had no clue what to do or how to react. The man proceeded to walk away in the opposite direction. I looked to see what books he had. After noticing his selection, I gathered the books, placed them in my arm and proceeded to walk over to him.
SIDE NOTE: yeah, i know, crazy right?

From his looks, he appeared to be in his early/middle 50's. Tall man, kind of "fatherish" looking, smelled of cigarettes and was wearing a wedding band. I tapped him on the shoulder, he turned around and just looked at me. The crazy thing is, no words were really needed. We both knew, I had just caught him trying to steal. He noticed the books in my arm and he reached his hand out to get them, as if I was about to say "hey, you left these over in the poetry section."

Instead, I pulled back and offered to buy the books for him. He looked as if he had just saw a ghost. And I was thinking to myself "wait, I didn't check the price on these."

He very politely, turned down my offer. I insisted, I told him I read two of his selections and they were great- couldn't put them down. Plus, I had a coupon! He finally gave in and we walked to the cashier together. After we checked out, we introduced ourselves to each other and he said thank you. He proceeded to apologize, said thank you again then he walked out the door.

I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down to start reading one of the books I purchased. As I sat there I wondered what this man thought of me. I hoped I hadn't embarrassed him. I'm not sure why I did it but I had some crazy feeling that this man was really good. Who knows, maybe he sold the books once he walked outside or maybe he took the books home and shared them with his wife and family.

I don't know but for some reason I felt like I was in the right place at the right time (cliche I know). I just hope, some random good deed would occur for me if I am ever in a similar situation.

Random act of kindness: CHECK now off the save the world... ;)

I used to love H.E.R.

Because since I was in the 5th grade, I loved this song. It's unarguably still one of the hottest hip hop tracks till this day and Common continues to bring the real hip hop.

I used to love H.E.R.